The incoherant ramblings of a twentysomething nothing

Football, Work and other things

2005-09-11T15:03:00.000-04:00

YAY the NFL season has officially kicked off (no pun intended) and I am happy to say that as of this moment, my precious Buffalo Bills are leading Houston. I used to love Sunday football, but now I am lost. I used to have a pretty good ritual (kind of pathetic - but tonnes of fun) but now I need to find a way to watch my games. I used to work in the nursery in the morning, and head over to the Algonquin (aka the "Gonk") for noon and pregame stuff. Figure out which game to watch and spend all afternoon drinking Keiths and/or Dos Equis (or pepsi), have my buffalo chicken fingers (chicken fingers tossed in hot sauce mmmm) or an Algonquin wrap (I miss those) yell at the tv and harass whoever was working that afternoon. Then at 5, Sherry would come in wearing her Jersey and work and watch football until close. Yeah, I know 12-13 hours at the restaurant is a little much, but it was fun. It was my favourite way to watch the game.

I tried going somewhere else to watch the game today and I was told that it was golf. No one wants football, no one likes football and I can go home and watch it with people who care.

I could watch at home but it's no fun. My Dad flips if the game isn't going his way and Johnny doesn't like talking when the game is on. If anyone has any suggestions PLEASE let me know.

Now - for those of you who are curious, I have found a steadier part time job. I still have my nursery on Sunday mornings, and I love those little critters to death. The kids are so sweet and they totally make my day. But I now have a steady job during the week. I will be taking care of 3 boys. One of them is in Kindergarten, so I have him full days Tuesday, Thursday and every other Friday, and the other two I only have after school until supper time. It leaves me time for school and gym and it doesn't suck up gas since I won't need to drive anywhere.

I keep telling myself "No more childcare jobs. Do something else" but I always end up back at childcare. I love it. The pay isn't terrific (which is why I tell myself to find something better) but it is better than what I made at the grocery store where I ran myself into the ground working away for nothing. I love it. It isn't what I want to do for the rest of my life, but I love it for now.

August is Over

2005-08-31T00:07:00.000-04:00

It is hard to believe that the summer is drawing to a close. The seasons seem to go by faster with each passing year. I remember when the summer would stretch on forever and I could fill the days with endless games of hide and seek and marco polo. I would wake up with the sun and be outside on the swings, or playing in the sandbox or even playing tennis up against the garage door. Then hide under the weeping mulberry when it was time to go in for lunch. I could find time to do everything I ever dreamed of doing, and still find time to just sit and do nothing.

Now I am lucky if I can catch my breath before the day is out. I had such grand plans this summer: traveling to Newfoundland, singing at a few open mike nights, going down to Tony's new restaurant and soak up the neighbourhood and really work on my golf. I didn't do any of that. Instead, I rehearsed to sing at weddings that never happened, I travelled east as far as Belleville, and played golf once. I did manage to get to Tony's one night, but it was far from magical. That wasn't Tony's fault, or the waitstaff. It was what was said to me by a companion.

All in all, this summer was not memorable by any means. I'm not looking forward to the cool weather, but hopefully the winter will zoom past as quickly as the summer and before I know it, the flowers will be back out in the garden, the sun will be high overhead and I might actually find time to play.

Happy Birthday Johnny!!

2005-08-27T09:18:00.000-04:00

That's right, my baby brother is 22 today! Happy Birthday!

Sometimes I wonder why I ever begged my parents for a baby brother all those years ago, but more and more I am starting to appreciate the fact that I made a damn fine choice! Yeah, I said it. He was all my idea. I told my parents that I was going to have a baby brother and his name was going to be Johnny. (Seriously. You can ask them yourself! They love to tell this story to people.)

He has proven himself worthy in the last few years. Even though he is my baby brother, he has stood up to bullies for me, given me a shoulder to cry on (even though sometimes he was the one that made me cry) and yes, even let me have the last beer in the fridge.

Johnny, you are a great guy and don't let anyone tell you otherwise (even me) I know you hate mush, but I love ya!

What's Wrong with Me!!!

2005-08-25T03:29:00.000-04:00

Seriously. Why can't I get certain people out of my head? This one guy. one. He is a wonderful person. Super funny, smart, great person to hang out with. The kind of person you would want to be stranded on a desert island with. Actually, I wouldn't mind being stranded on an island with any of my friends. He's a great guy. He just doesn't like me that way.

OK OK, I haven't actually asked him whether he likes me that way, but he's dating someone and he is always telling me about the couple-like things they do together. Now, I'm all for being one of the guys and having friends tell me everything (ok, not that kind of everything - but you know what I mean) but I have never felt so uneasy about trips to the grocery store. I want to be happy for him, honestly, I just don't know why I can't be. I haven't really thought of him this way until he told me about her. Now I feel like someone just hit me in the gut with an anvil.

I feel terrible, because I told him I was really happy for him and I hope things work out. Not all of that was a lie, but most of it. I want him to be happy. I want everyone I care about to be happy. I just don't really know if I want this relationship to work. I'm not wishing ill on his new "thing" he has going - he's never been this kind of giddy over a relationship before (at least not that I have seen) but I would be in knots if I didn't tell him how I feel.

Should I tell him how I feel? Should I ask him why her and why he doesn't think of me that way? I know I am not the prettiest, thinnest, smartest, wealthiest or most talented person in this world - but I must have some redeeming qualities. No - I won't tell him That isn't fair to him and I don't want to lose him as a friend. He's a great guy and I am happy to know him. Why do I want to cry when he tells me about his last date? No other girl he has dated has done this to me. And he's only been with her for a short time, so why her?

looks like another sleepless night for me.

Funerals are fun

2005-08-21T18:18:00.000-04:00

Ok, so death has never been one of my favourite things. I have avoided funerals as much as possible, but in the last 3 years I have been to more funerals, viewings etc than I can count on 2 hands. It's starting to become old hat.

Today was my first Legion funeral. Yes, I am on the Executive at the Royal Canadian Legion in Colborne in case you didn't know. A good friend and a wonderful person passed away on Thursday (one of the other things that kind of bummed me out on my birthday) The Legion funeral was this afternoon. It was quite a sight to see. There were over 50 Legion members in full uniform plus countless others in their "civvies" No one can recall a turnout like this. It was magnificent. We all lined up in 2 rows and we couldn't even fit into the hall, we had to double up and double again. Rose would have been proud.

The only thing that kind of freaked me out a little , was the open casket. Never seen one before, not sure if I care to see another. I know I don't want that when I go, but then again, I don't really want to go. It is an uncomfortable thing, especially during the Legion Service, because two by two we go up and pay our respects and everyone is watching. I got through it, and I did it because Rose was a wonderful person and I am good friends with her family (heck, I used to be the nanny for 3 of her grandchildren)

Tomorrow is the Funeral Mass, which will be like most that I have been to, but the Legion Ceremony is very special and it was a wonderful tribute to a wonderful woman.

Rose, you will be missed but you will never be forgotten. I promise to make this year's Santa Claus Parade float the best we have ever seen. You will be proud.

Birthdays Blow

2005-08-20T13:31:00.000-04:00

This past week has had it's ups and downs. Had a wedding cancelled on me Saturday morning and I was supposed to be singing that afternoon - so I was out a fair amount of money that I had been counting on.

I had a ball with Missa on Tuesday. Girlie slumber party with Sex and the City and way, way, way too many cosmos. No hangover, but I am pretty sure I was still drunk when I got to the gym at noon on Wednesday. Of course, once I got to the gym I was chewed out by my trainer for slacking, even though I went to the gym every day for the last week when I usually only do 3 or 4 visits. Then I get out to my parents place where my mother gives me grief for "forcing" her to visit a very sick friend. This woman was diagnosed with cancer in February. I pleaded with her to go and visit since then. She tried telling me that a phone call is just as good when we all know it isn't (unless you are really far away- but these people live 5 houses away) Mum proceeds to tell me how I have ruined her memory of this woman because now all she can see is this frail thing. Ok, you're right mum, it's all my fault.

A New Chapter

2005-08-20T00:16:00.000-04:00

Well I had my 25th birthday on Thursday (August 18) and every year I look back at what has happened to me over the last 365. I decided it was easier to look back over the year if I had written documentation to help me remember the good, the bad and the bizarre. If you know me, then you know that I am a barely working musician and therefore cheap as hell. So I came to the conclusion that a free blog costs a lot less than a diary - even if it is from the dollar store.

I am going to make a conscious effort to post regularly. It's also cheaper than mailing letters to England or Scotland, or phoning friends in Newfoundland or Quebec. (Those of you who fall into those categories don't have to worry, I will still call, write, harass etc- but this way you don't have to listen!)

Now onwards and upwards. Here's hoping this year is a damn sight better than the last. Not off to the greatest start, but it's only been 2 days, so it can only go up from here... right?